Posts Tagged ‘folktales’

As told by the free dragon Fuse to Agent Green, the world’s only living dragon whisperer, at DCHQ [Dragon Conservation Headquarters]

It was a complete scam. A nasty one. A man calling himself Sir George used to ride around looking for dragon sign – heat shattered rocks or scalded stones; it’s territorial: a sort of Trespassers Will Be Devoured notice. Once George had tracked down a lair, he’d high tail it to the nearest town and gallop down the main street in a terrible lather, shouting the odds about A dragon, a dragon!

Of course everybody barricaded themselves indoors at once and George could latch on to the local bigwig. He’d be all broad shoulders and brave words, then pretend to set off scouting the dragon’s lair. After a couple of hours he’d come back looking shaken and sober, with awful reports of the creature’s voracious predations. Most people didn’t even know the words.

So then George would insist on virgin girl ‘sacrifices’: and of course he had a crew of henchmen waiting, didn’t he, to grab the poor kids and sell ‘em into slavery. Vile. Absolutely filthy business.

Soon it would come down to the princess or the mayor’s daughter, or whoever. They’d deck her out in some sorry parody of a wedding dress and drag her up to the lair. George knew when the dragon was asleep, oh he was very good, he knew his dragons, timed everything to the hour… After a bit of ceremony the grieving parents and guards all shambled off, sobbing like infants, and the young woman was left to her fate.

Which had nothing to do with the dragon. George appeared with his wolfish smile – he never washed, by the way, in fact he stank too bad even for a dragon to eat – and he’d start getting personal with the girl. She was bound up, poor wench, so all she could do was shriek.

Which was exactly what the wretched George wanted. The girl’s protests would wake up the dragon, who invariably stuck his head out of the cave to see what the fuss was. Of course the poor beast was still sleepy, not to mention grumpy at being disturbed. George just had to hurl a few ripe insults to make any dragon come charging out without even sharpening his claws properly.

George was depressingly efficient at this next part. He knew how to dodge the tail, duck under the claws and teeth, and skewer the dragon right through the rib cage. Then he’d hack its head off. His henchmen could take their time pillaging the cave and carting away the poor dead dragon’s treasure hoard.

Meanwhile, George would terrify the girl even more by telling her that nobody back home would believe she hadn’t wanted to make sport with him, as he called it, and that she was sullied beyond repair with her family and her community. He called her a slut and told her the only hope was to marry him and make him one of the family.

Then he’d drag the girl and his grisly trophy back to town, and insist on a ‘private conversation’ with the family. That’s when he dropped all the chivalrous charm, coldly told them that their precious daughter was no longer a virgin and demanded a wedding, quick sharp.

While everybody was celebrating the slaughter of a dragon who had never been a minute’s threat in the first place – well, all right, it probably had pinched a few sheep and cows – George and the girl would be married, whether anybody liked the idea or not.

Sometimes he only stayed for the wedding night. He liked young flesh and he liked variety.

If he didn’t see much prospect of squeezing more profit out of the game, he’d help himself to the best horse in the stable and disappear. The girl and her family would be in turmoil. The dragon was dead. George never even looked back.

Agent Green is the lead draconics expert at DCHQ.
Mission: to find and save the world’s last dragons.
Motto: Only The Keenest Survive.

Voracious predator or victim of a vile scam?

Poster for 28 July 2015 Storytelling Dragon Tales at Sutton Coldfield LibraryA rare flying visit from the Dragon Whisperer brings a morning of fantasy and magical adventure to Sutton Coldfield Library (Birmingham, England) on Tuesday 28 July.

As part of the Record Breakers themed Summer Reading Challenge 2015, gorgeously costumed Agent Green the world’s only living Dragon Whisperer tells Dragon Tales from around the world to age 7+ at 11am. At 12.30, Agent Green breaks out the drawing pens to show age 9+ How To Draw Your Dragon – bring your favourite sketchbooks, pencils and colouring pens.

Both sessions are free thanks to sponsorship from Sutton Coldfield Charitable Trust. The Library is at Lower Parade, B72 1XX. Tel 0121 464 2274.

Thrilling legends and folktales include a dragon in hiding and the dragon who was really a lost princess, ranging from Eastern Europe to Bamburgh Castle.

Agent Green, who is alleged to work for DCHQ, Dragon Conservation Headquarters, also reveals hot tips on dragon care and training, and talks about her mission to find and save the world’s last dragons. You’re welcome to ask everything you ever wanted to know about dragons – because the Dragon Whisperer has the answer!

Behind the bling is Chloë of the Midnight Storytellers, a storytelling entertainer and writer/illustrator from the Cotswolds. Celebrating 15 years as a spoken word artist, Chloë sets a new record this August as the first ever Dragon Whisperer in Residence at Sudeley Castle (Gloucestershire).

Chloë’s performances for children take her to primary schools, community events and festivals all over the UK. Her story cabaret shows for adults are acclaimed from Cheltenham Literature Festival to cruise ships on the Mediterranean. For her 15th anniversary celebrations Chloë has launched a new contemporary story cabaret show Scheherazade’s Shed which tours to Kidderminster Arts Festival 14 August and Windsor Fringe Festival 24 September. The Dragon Tales CD is available £5 from Chloë, while the fully written out and illustrated Dragon Tales are available as a Kindle ebook (£2.99).

  • The annual UK Summer Reading Challenge, an initiative from the Reading Agency and the Arts Council, encourages UK children aged 4-11 into libraries to read up to 6 books during the long summer holiday. The scheme is designed to maintain reading skills and confidence which can otherwise weaken during over that time.